I never thought the relaunch of my blog would have been driven by something that tried to completely destroy it in the first place, but as the scripture says, “But as for you, you meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive.” Gen 50:20.
Recently, I posted both a written post and a video post about the relaunching of my blog and how a bout of depression derailed my momentum in maintaining it and other things I enjoyed. The post was meant to be more about the return of my blog and less about the depression. Initially I felt terrible, and even considered deleting the post because I thought I did a poor job in communicating my goal/the great news, but after receiving countless inbox messages, phone calls, and comments asking if I’m ok, when it happened, what caused it, etc., I realized I was missing the bigger picture and the “purpose” of the post.
When did it start. Even though I’m not able to pin point when my depression began what I am most certain of is the day it expired, Saturday, March 7th, 2015. If you’ve never suffered from depression consider yourself blessed! It’s by far one of the worse things I’ve ever endured; crying relentlessly every day, several times a day, for four consecutive months is pure hell. The physical and mental anguish was too much to bare that I secretly prayed for death. I lost 15 pounds in three weeks. I remember weighing myself daily and not only seeing the numbers decrease but watching my physical self deteriorate. Many wondered, including my Mom, how I managed to work and go out publicly. Well, whatever commitments I made I had to see them through and refrained from taking anything else on. The few public outings I attended during that time were breaths of fresh air. Most wouldn’t believe but one of the biggest moments of my life, the launching of my book Loving Through Thick and Thin, was also one of the most painful days of my life. There was so much pain behind this picture.
Indicators: My initial physical sign was constant panic and anxiety attacks. They were so bad you could literally see my heart trying to jump out of my chest. I remember having my first of many serious attacks on the set of shooting a national commercial for Allegra. I was speaking to my co-star who happens to be a nurse in real life and he said, “Debra if you don’t get on some meds immediately, you are going to have a heart attack.” That scared the living life out of me so within a week I went to my doctor. It was that visit in 2014 she prescribed Xanax but also told me “with the severity of your panic attacks depression is sure to follow.” Mentally I remember rebuking that in the name of the Lord. Unfortunately, she was right. Less than a month later I was in a full blown depression. Life as I knew it was no longer the same.
Cope: No one is immune to depression. In fact more people suffer or is suffering from it than you think. We all cope differently. In fact, the comment I hear the most is “really, you, I would have never guessed. You always looked so happy.” Looking back there were a number of ways I dealt with it eventually leading to and expiration date. Praying incessantly to God goes without saying. Support is very important during this time. Without my mom, two great friends, and of course my loving husband, I’m just not quite sure I would have made it through. Each day was a task in and of itself; walking aimlessly with an elephant on my back. Take medication if you need to, at least to get it under control.
It’s over. As I mentioned, Saturday, March 7th 2015 it was O-V-E-R! At first I thought I was just having a “good day.” What constitutes a “good day,” no crying and more smiling. One good day, lead to a few good days, which lead to a few good weeks…it was done! I was beside myself and kept thanking God for bringing me out of that deep dark place. A place that had no light, filled with fear and despair. I still give Him thanks for March 7th 2015 and pray that I never return. Don’t get me wrong I still have bad days and I still cry but that’s part of life and early menopause (smile). I’ll be blogging a ton on that!!!!
If you read this blog and can relate, I’m so sorry, but I’m hoping your take-away is knowing that…
YOUR STORM HAS AN EXPIRATION DATE AS WELL AND YOU’ER NOT ALONE!